I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair (locs) off for a minute now.
Now I can’t tell if this is an impulsive reaction to what I’m subconsciously feeling- I’m depressed, insecure, want something new, don’t want to be tied down or judged, or what.
I have no idea.
All I know is that that’s all I’ve been thinking about lately.
I think maybe this urge stems from me feeling trapped. Trapped in a stereotype, in the expected, in a loc, other ppls’ desire.
All of my life, I have felt like I lived in a box as a punishment because of the way that I naturally act, my natural self, considered wrong or too odd for society and their expectations.
For majority of my life, I sought freedom especially in my creative expressions (I’m an artist btw), but felt like I never even breathed free air. I feel so controlled.
My life is heavily depended on by others because they see potential in me to make a difference, sometimes, if I just adjust my talents to their way. But that doesn’t make me happy, this makes me stagnant and when others try to help you, many don’t realize they actually hold you back more.
I always feel like I’m not allowed to express myself and I’m uncertain as why.
I think of cutting my hair probably because I feel it’s my only way out of things that effect me the most- whether or not I’m pretty, judgments, misunderstandings, expectations, and this labeled box which I may have even put myself in.
But I’m on this journey to figure it all out. So a few weeks later, I may have no hair-we shall see.